Fat Cats and Fatter Donations

Today, P.K. Subban of the Montreal Canadiens donated $10 million (?!) to the Montreal children’s hospital. Make no mistake, that’s a substantial contribution from a hockey player. (Yes, I understand that it’d be more of a commitment for a forklift driver)

If, say, a baseball or basketball player were to make an equivalent donation to their respective local children’s hospital—we’d all be offering nothing more than a polite golf clap.


Those guys make BANK. And they deserve it…not everyone’s born with the ability to be REALLY TALL or the courage to inject enough anabolic steroids to hit a baseball REALLY FAR. They don’t fear the needle—and the MLB pays them handsomely for their bravery.

The point is: Subban should be commended for his enormous contribution. The guy barely clears $10 million a year from his contract and endorsements, so this donation actually does makes a dent in his pocket book.

But I’d like to explore the charitable tendencies of the world’s wealthiest people…the fattest cats…the Mark-iest Zuckerbergs…the Bill-iest Gates.


Without further ado: here’s the top 5 wealthiest philanthropists in the world—courtesy of that Google site:

  1. Bill and Melinda Gates—who’ve given over $30.5 billion in charitable contributions over the course of their lives. Hooray. Our heroes.
  2. Warren Buffet—the humble billionaire gave $2.63 billion (to the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, no less) to charity in 2013. Not bad for a guy who still lives in the same Omaha, Nebraska house he owned before he struck it OH MY GOD HE’S WEALTHY!!!-rich.
  3. Leonard Lauder—the cosmetics-industry titan gave $1.1 billion to the Metropolitan Museum of Art a couple years back. He singlehandedly kept paintbrushes on canvases for another 10 years.
  4. Mark Zuckerberg—Jesse Eisenberg’s muse has (only) given away $1.5 billion to charity thus far. That’s not bad, considering he’s only been a billionaire for as long as Justin Bieber took up residence in every prepubescent girl’s heart.
  5. George Soros—the Hungarian business magnate has long been an advocate of democracy in Eastern Europe, and his charitable contributions reflect that. Despite the many conspiracy theories surrounding him (some believe he caused the Asian financial crisis in the mid 2000’s) the guy’s a giver.

A shortlist; bazillionaires who need to step up their gift game:


  1. Hugo Slim—he’s the richest guy on the planet. Why isn’t he on the above list?
  2. Donald Trump—I know, I know, easy target.
  3. Elon Musk—Where’s our flying cars, Elon? STEP YOUR GAME UP.
  4. Kim Jong-un—If Dennis Rodman can’t show this man the wisdom of giving…I’m afraid nobody can.
  5. The Koch Brothers—If I don’t show up to work next week, you’ll know who’s responsible.

If The Wolf of Wall Street taught us anything, it’s that Leo can play a sociopath with apparent ease. It also taught us that being rich and giving to others doesn’t make you a good person.

If any wealthy benefactors want to test that theory out—I accept all forms of payment.

If you liked this, like this.

(Insert witty and equally thought-provoking sign off here)

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